I think that people who talk about the stupidity of their adolescence
weren't kidding when they said the best time to make mistakes is in
your youth because it stops getting cute as you get older. Because my 19th year was like a 'What Not To Do' episode of healthy teenage experimentation. I was just thinking that it would be beneficial that I had broken so many obvious 'dont's' when I have kids because then I'll know either what to expect and what kind of temptations they would face. Then I realized that there's now a whole mess of things I can never tell my kids if I have
any (because sex is required to have kids and I seem to be on the path
of 40 years of celibacy at the rate I'm going). Because how do look at your kids and
with a stern demeanor and straight-face, and tell them without sounding like the world's fattest hypocrite, to not drink to excess (well, if
you want to black out--), smoke (gives you cancer), smoke weed (it zaps
your brain cells), do hard drugs (self explanatory), have sex (before
your 20, lols, like your moms), dress provocatively (do you know
what guys are thinking?), stay out late (if you want to be fresh meat
for serial rapists...), or give yourself away too easily (because they
don't want you for your mind, baby) if you've thrown your parents advice to pot and gone about breaking every biblical commandment and oath before the age of 20?
Should parents be allowed to enforce rules that they themselves broke? Perhaps honesty and supporting advice with personal experiences is the way to go.
From Mother-to-Daughter:
"Drinking is a regular past-time to this
day and while it's not a constant in my life, it definitely makes a
party a lot more interesting, and so why not have some fun and go until you are
plastered; I'll even pour your shot for you. Smoking? Well, it's your
lungs, your 19, you think you're immortal, one cig won't kill you. Weed? Kills
anxiety and as long as it's making you smarter, construct the Leaning
Tower of Pisa out of ritz crackers if you feel so inclined, and baby, if
it didn't make me feel like I was riding a horse around Saturn's rings
sipping Mai Tais through a fork I would totally join you. Hard drugs -
well if hard means you're floating through nirvana with a sex drive of 1
billion then yeah, your mama did hard drugs in an open environment and
while she's not proud, she can't just hold it over your head and say
na'uh. Sex, well, I didn't do it until I was an old bag and
then my lady bits sang the Hallelujah chorus and got so excited and
laughed and two eggs popped out and that's how you and your brother came
to be... but have sex with someone you care about, gosh, have sex in
spades with someone your trust not to screw you over and by fucking god,
you better be protecting yourself hun, because I will NOT be a
grandmother right now...Low cut tops, mini skirts? Hey, shorter the
better, As long as your bra is nice, show those straps, play up your
assets, you got better legs than I ever had, and come home at 11...the
next morning is fine, just don't wake me up. And if you let the first
guy to give you a compliment come home with you, leave him with a
handshake, a smile, and a fake phone number. Trust me on that last one."
Hmm....or maybe that'll just encourage them.
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